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Tone Deaf
Meet Amanda L. Baden Ph.D, Mei Advisor
Dr. Baden has both personal and professional experience with adoption. She was adopted from Hong Kong and raised in a transracially adoptive family. Her experiences both personally and professionally have lead her to focus her research and clinical practice on adoption. She has real-world experience walking in the shoes of Asian adoptees.
Dear Amanda,
My aunt is a music teacher. She is almost as close to me as my mom, so I don't want to complain about her but she keeps saying something that bothers me. My aunt is always telling me I need to choose an instrument to learn how to play. I don't want to do that and I really have never cared for music, except for listening to the radio! She has never said this, but I think it is because I was born in China. The reason I think this is true is because she is always saying that Asian people are musical. That doesn't mean that I am. Why do people believe in stereotypes?
Sincerely, "Tone Deaf"
By Amanda L. Baden, Ph.D.
Dear “Tone Deaf,” You are absolutely right! Just because some Asian people can do some things, it definitely doesn’t mean that ALL Asian people can do those same things. Recognizing that this is a stereotype shows that you are smart, aware, and observant.As you already know, stereotypes can be defined as the ideas that people have about people who belong to particular groups, simply due to their membership in those groups.These ideas are often based on beliefs that people who share some similarities like skin color or country of origin must also share other characteristics like behaviors, values, habits, or skills. Unfortunately, stereotypes usually are used in unfair or unkind ways and they can result in discrimination. Some examples of stereotypes about Asians are that Asians are good at math and, as you said, are good at playing musical instruments. While stereotypes like these may seem like positive assets, they also assume that all Asian people are alike and that can make us feel bad if we don’t conform to these stereotypes. In fact, lots of Asian kids who don’t do well at math may feel like they aren’t even good Asians because they don’t live up to it. In essence, the difficulty associated with stereo-types is that they are often used to oppress or to discriminate against others.
You also asked why people believe in stereotypes.Your question is good and has several answers. One answer that is often given refers to the way our brains process information. We come into contact with so much information and so many experiences on a day-to-day basis that our brains look for ways to simplify things so we can understand them. One way that we do this is by associating experiences or information with something already familiar in our brains so that we can understand it. In some ways, we are always using categories, groups, or even assumptions to make sense of the information we receive.
Unfortunately, when we simplify the information, we then miss the uniqueness of people and make assumptions—essentially, we use stereotypes to understand things. So as you can see, stereotypes don’t have to be bad things, but they often are bad because they can be used to oppress others.
In your case, the stereotype about Asians being musical may oppress you in a few very important ways. First, it means that people are assuming that you can do something that you don’t even want to do. Second, when people assume something without really knowing the truth, it might even feel like they don’t know the real you.Third, we might even feel like we need to “live up to” a stereotype (become musical), or on the other hand, we might feel we need to go against a stereotype (refuse to play an instrument). This can lead us to make choices that influence us more than we would like. Fourth, we might also feel upset that we cannot choose our activities, act as we choose, or believe what we like in an environment free from stereotypes. Clearly stereotypes limit us in some very subtle yet powerful ways and that limitation is, by definition, oppression.
Another reason that people may believe in stereotypes may be due to their lack of exposure to people who differ from themselves. Not knowing many people outside of their own group may lead others to make assumptions. Often those assumptions are based on that ALL Asian people can do those same things. Recognizing that this is a stereotype shows that you are smart, aware, and observant.As you already know, stereotypes can be defined as the ideas that people have about people who belong to particular groups, simply due to their membership in those groups.These ideas are often based on beliefs that people who share some similarities like skin color or country of origin must also share other characteristics like behaviors, values, habits, or skills. Unfortunately, stereotypes usually are used in unfair or unkind ways and they can result in discrimination. Some examples of stereotypes about Asians are that Asians are good at math and, as you said, are good at playing musical instruments. While stereotypes like these may seem like positive assets, they also assume that all Asian people are alike and that can make us feel bad if we don’t conform to these stereotypes. In fact, lots of Asian kids who don’t do well at math may feel like they aren’t even good Asians because they don’t live up to it. In essence, the difficulty associated with stereo- Amanda L. Baden stereotypes that can easily be seen in books, television, movies, or even classrooms.
Although there are many reasons people might believe in stereotypes, it seems as if having your aunt whom you love and admire possibly think of you using some of her own stereotypes about Asians sounds really hurtful.You might even think,“a person as close as my aunt should know better,” or “my aunt should know ME better.” Whatever you are thinking, it seems like a good idea to talk with your aunt. In fact, your aunt might not even realize that you are worried about her stereotyping you or that you are bothered by her suggestion.As a music teacher, it’s also possible that your aunt, who probably loves music and who probably values the ability to play instruments, wants to share her passion for music with you. It might be scary to bring up your worry about the stereotype because people don’t like to think that they make assumptions about others (even though everyone uses some stereotypes), but it feels good to be able to work out your problems.Talking about it in a non-defensive way and using I-statements (“I felt upset when you…” instead of “You made me feel upset when you…”) are always good ways to start the discussion. It might help to bring you closer. It takes the courage and intelligence that you seem to have to talk about these things.
Amanda L. Baden, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist,
N.Y. State
Assistant Professor
Montclair State University
Office: (973) 655-7336
www.transracialadoption.net
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